The Sunday Round-Up: Mighty Nine Genies

It’s that time of week again, and we got a lot of failure, a lot of promise and a lot of promising failure! Also, belly dancing that turns you into a monkey. Don’t ask, I had to get this special cream, there was this whole thing with a coconut, it’s just an unpleasant story.

Kenji Inafune introduces the Mighty No.9!

There’s a lot of big Kickstarter news this week, starting with one of the most successful gaming Kickstarters since Double Fine’s first go. The man behind Mega Man left Capcom on a bad note, but he can’t seem to give up his favorite creation. Mighty No.9 is basically Mega Man with Kenji’s “own original character,” and that’s just fine. The character in question is Beck, who runs around, shoots evil robots and evil robot masters, but this time with a stylish 2D animation graphical style (possibly and hopefully). And yes, his partner is indeed named Call, because music puns always have to be in a Mega Man game. The game is now fully funded, and as of writing, is aiming for the console version stretch goal, with a total of $1,810,000 under its belt. That’s nothing to sneeze at! Still, there’s a lot of hidden stretch goals, so who knows how big this game could end up being. This definitely blows Blonic out of the water. Oh crap, he’s inexplicably inflating again!

DryChris: A really stupid part of me is saying this is just a Mega-Man rip-off but that’s kind of like saying that the next painting from Picasso has a similar style to his last; Inafune practically invented the series and he has the right to borrow all the aspects he wants from the game. Plus, just look at that sleek design, man oh man this looks like it’s gonna be good!

Dark Side: Does it count as one’s own original character if it’s the original creator of the real original character? Either way, I’m stoked. I love the classic Mega Man games and want to see what Inafune can do without Capcom holding his leash.

Kenji Inafune also thinks his industry is really terrible at what it does

In related news, Kenji Inafune is still very critical of the Japanese gaming market. He’s been vocal in the past (most likely due to working at Capcom), and he’s only continued this during PAX. This time, however, his problem doesn’t seem to be the quality of games or appealing to outside markets, but instead the distribution and creative control. Inafune in particular spoke of options for independent game developers to pursue in his home country to get their game made without having to deal with publisher interference, like crowdfunding on sites like Kickstarter. This way, creators can keep the rights to their own IP, something I bet Inafune did back when he first help make the Blue Bomber. We here at TPS fully understand the struggle of the independent developer and the quest for complete creative control. After all, we wouldn’t have made it to the demo phase of a game about some guy a few of you may know of who had to jump over censored dicks while “Having a Wonderful Time” played in the background. We wouldn’t change that for all the money in the world.

DryChris: Shit, I knew video games had a tight grip, but even Japan is suffering from it? Well, I guess if you’ve been working for Capcom for so long, you’ll become cynical about the industry too.

Fat Squeek: I have a lot of respect for the man, but the Western market has had its fair share of deficiencies too. Japanese developers have had tough times, but let’s not forget about the folks over at Atlus, Monolith, or Vanillaware.

Dark Side: I think what he’s getting at now is just how many Japanese devs aren’t going the indie route. I base this on the fact that he’s trying to promote other options and because he worked for Capcom nearly all of his adult life and that would probably make you hate the publisher system.

WayForward wants you to help fund a new Shantae game!

Also hitting Kickstarter this week was a new project from WayForward. Their signature Shantae series, which has survived in the safe haven of Nintendo handhelds, is about to go out into the wide world of multiplatform and needs some help to get there. Shantae: Half Genie Hero is meant to be a new jumping on point for new players, not familiar with the handheld series. As a result, the game will be shedding it’s old sprite graphical style in favor of an animated style WayForward recently used with their Ducktales remake. Otherwise, the gameplay will stay traditional, with Shantae mixing together a platforming adventure style with neat tricks like belly dancing to turn into an adorable monkey for puzzles. The stretch goals include being able to play as the series main villain, lady pirate Risky Boots, enter a magical carpet race, gain new outfits with new attributes and various other, hidden things. The game needs $400,000 in funding, and it’s close to the halfway point. WayForward knows what they’re doing, so why not help them out? There’s belly dancing in it for ya.

Dark Side: Go fund this because videogames need more likable genies who beat up people with hair. Bayonetta isn’t a genie, doesn’t count.

DryChris: HOLY SHIT I NEED MONEY TO THROW AT THESE PEOPLE NOW *giddy squealing*

More information on Shantae and the Pirate’s Curse

There’s a lot of Shantae this week, and it feels so good to get to say that. Coming soon to the 3DS is the third Shantae game, with the half genie teaming up with her greatest enemy, Risky Boots, to get back her lost powers. The gimmick this time around is that Shantae learns a load of new pirate skills to compensate for her missing genie powers, along with some new styles of puzzles and combat making use of the 3DS’ second screen. The game should be out later in the year, and it promises to be as fun and challenging as the previous two games. This won’t be your place to jump on board the franchise, but a Shantae game is always guaranteed to be a good time.

DryChris: Please tell me we can play as Risky Boots, that would be AWESOME.

Dark Side: WayForward is a pretty awesome group, great to see that they’ve finally gotten the cash to fund their original projects. Now if someone could get me a 3DS…

Team Meat’s next project is about cats and pooping

What, you were expecting class from the guys who made Dr. Fetus and everything in The Binding of Isaac? Team Meat’s newest game will be known as Mew-Genics, and I have no idea what type of game it’s supposed to be. All that’s know for sure is that one cat will be rubbed on another cat, that cat will get all fat, what’s up with that? Then that cat will poop out kittens everywhere and all the bad kittens will be thrown into a dump of ugly kittens and what appears to be one sad orphan. It may not make sense, but knowing Team Meat, sense was never a factor to begin with. Also, I’d like to buy eight, please.

DryChris: Someone wants to bank on the cuteness of cats for their video game. Hah, I kid, it looks fun.

Dark Side: You had me at cat inflation.

Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame, XBOX ONE HAS NO GAMES

It never ends, does it? With the controversy and heavy criticism just oozing from the Xbox One, Microsoft has been in full damage control over the whole fiasco. One problem; they’re terrible at damage control. Case in point, the first Xbox One TV ad doesn’t mention any videogames at all, instead choosing to pimp voice commands, that Madden contract and TV. Not even the Madden videogame gets a shout out, and if it does, it’s for a split second screen shot that quickly disappears. Needless to say, this won’t be bringing back any of Microsoft’s now long gone user base, meaning they better hope people want a five hundred dollar box that’s already useless if one owns a smart TV. Add in the restricted launch, lack of first party titles that aren’t also being released on other systems and being crushed by both competitors when it comes to price, and the Xbox One isn’t looking to be in a good spot. Still, the PS3 survived a terrible start, so there’s a chance …a slim one, since Microsoft needs some exclusives desperately to compete, ones absolutely locked in that also move consoles.

Dark Side: I’m never getting off the ride, am I?

DryChris: If this still manages to even poorly survive in the video game market, I’ll be quite surprised.

K3B: Sure, the PS4 can play videogames…….BUT CAN IT DO THIS? Didn’t think so.

Charlie Hunnam of Pacific Rim fame to star in 50 Shades of Grey film

This is why we can’t have nice things! Hollywood’s latest abortion trying to get that Twilight crowd is going to either make Charlie Hunnam famous or ruin any possible chance at an acting career he may have had. Universal has officially announced that Charlie Hunnam will be playing Christian Gray in the film adaptation of 50 Shades of Gray, who I believe is some sort of rapist or abusive boyfriend from what little I know of the book. I know it has a lot of domination and S&M, so I’m probably not that far off. Expect him to be abusing Dakota Johnson August 1st, 2014. Oh, and there were two sequels to this book. That makes me sad. It makes kittens sad. It makes sadness sad. Yes, this book series is so horrible that it makes an abstract concept of human reaction feel the exact same thing it is meant to describe.

K3B: Both films feature a scene where a female character learns how to use a kind of sword properly. …I’ll leave now.

Fat Squeek: As if there weren’t enough porn jokes about his previous film’s title, now the guy’s actually in a porno. Quite the legacy you’re building there, bud.

DryChris: I still can’t believe someone thought to make the book into a movie.

Batwoman team quit after DC stops character’s marriage, cause marriage is bad (mabye)

If you ever wondered why almost all superhero fans are perpetually angry, this is a good example why. JH Williams III and WH Blackman have left Batwoman, a series about an openly lesbian superhero that has met critical acclaim with one of the best new characters DC has managed to make in the last decade. The reason? DC editorial decided, at the last minute, that Batwoman couldn’t get married. This was not the first time DC has stepped down to mess with the team’s plans, either. However, don’t mistake DC for homophobes, oh no. The more likely answer (besides DC being run by fucking idiots) is that DC is just against the idea of marriage for the New 52. Many established relationships have been severed since the big reboot two years ago, mainly so DC could make canon ships of their various characters because that’s what people want apparently. Of course, we’ll never know for sure. When it takes nearly an entire year to decide that a long planned storyline needs to be changed, you’re a pretty terrible editorial department.

DryChris: I’m not sure what the problem is with this, but I’m honestly not sure if the comic book industry is mature enough to handle a lesbian couple. Well, I mean the current comic book industry. Okay, okay, I mean the current, mainstream comic book industry…. Fine I just mean DC Comics! Happy now?

Dark Side: DC is just trying to piss off all their remaining fans at this point. Can’t wait for the next reboot in a few years. 2016, mark your calenders.

Fat Squeek: I don’t know much about Batman, but given the darker, more mature vibe I got from the Nolan films, I can see homosexuality portrayed in a way that isn’t sensationalized or stuck-up. That being said, quitting because something so minor didn’t work out also seems a wee bit childish, so I don’t care either way. But who’s this DC group? They some kinda Marvel offshoot?

Hayao Miyazaki retires (again)

Hayao Miyazaki, founder of Studio Ghibli and director of such amazing works like Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke, has announced his retirement from directing. Getting on in the years, Miyazaki is going to have to stop eventually, which is pretty crushing news. He’s one of the finest anime directors out there, and one of the few Japanese animation directors to find appeal and success in the states. However, this isn’t the first time he’s tried retiring, so only time will tell if this sticks and the man can finally enjoy some other hobbies. I’m in a betting group on the subject. My prediction is that he re-enters the field after his son makes another terrible movie yet again. Man, talk about a disappointment of a son.

DryChris: Well, that’s a shame, but his legacy will still live for generations to come. Plus, I’m sure he’ll still help out a bit here or there, it’s not like he’s dead…oh my I’m making myself sad now.

Dark Side: This isn’t the first time he’s said he’s retired. Color me a bit skeptical until I hear otherwise.

Jack Nicholson retires from acting due to memory issues

Turns out America lost their own famous name as well. Famous actor and nightmare creature in every child’s dream Jack Nicholson, known for his work in The Shining and One Flew Over the Cukcoo’s Nest, is retiring from acting. The reason is simply due to memory issues; Jack’s short term memory is on the fritz and he’s had trouble remember things properly. He hasn’t done a movie in three years, and he doesn’t want to do anymore. He’s going out with a strong resume and a lot of money and free time. We all wish Jack all the luck in the world, he’s entertained us all for decades and earned as long as a break as he wants. Oh, but don’t worry, he hasn’t decided to stop terrifying children. That’s more of a hobby for him than anything.

Dark Side: No TV and beer makes Jackie go something something.

DryChris: Well at least he’s dropping out before he makes a further ass out of himself. Other old actors should take note of this, but eh, let them have their fun…

That’s My Boy director Sean Anders takes over Horrible Bosses 2

Are you horrified yet? 2011’s surprise comedy hit of Horrible Bosses has had a sequel in the works for a bit now, but it appears to have gone through several hands rather fast. Now, the “brilliant” mind behind That’s My Boy and Sex Drive is taking the director’s seat, along with his buddy John Morris. Their last project? We’re the Millers. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah. They’ve already done a rewrite of the last rewrite, meaning that we have a full blown disaster on our hands. I don’t think Charlie Day’s career is going to recover after this hit to the nads. No, really, most of the script is already proven to be nut shots and sex puns.

Dark Side: I loved that movie! Shame the sequel is going to be garbage!

DryChris: Whilst I like Horrible Bosses, I don’t think we’re at that big of a loss if That’s My Boy’s director does it. I think more of the fault there lay with Adam Sandler being Adam Sandler so there’s probably a chance that the director can actually do some good stuff. If not, well, it wasn’t like we’re going from such a shocking drop in quality as if you were to compare Citizen Kane to Epic Movie….

Quick-Hits! - The stories still owned by Capcom.

Sentai Filmworks licenses Gatchaman Crowds – This is no time to be gloomy!

Mighty Switch Force 2 hits Wii U next month – Kick the baby!

The original starters return for Pokemon X/Y – As usual, nobody will be using Bulbasaur.

Microsoft turned down Heavy Rain because children kidnapping – Even before the Xbox One, they were masters of the art of blunders.

Star Wars is a risk, according to EA – They couldn’t find their sense in their large piles of money and hate mail.

Attack on Titan’s final episode will air in Japanese theaters – Theaters is titans

Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare is multiplayer only, but at a discount price – Still looks fun and amazing, so minor gripe.

Will Smith and Roland Emmerich talk Independence Day 2, Stargate – fresh prince joke

Kickstarter to translate some manga in English – Support your mangos.

This is the ending sentence. I couldn’t think of an ending sentence. I’ll go flail myself, don’t worry.

*SMACK*

I AM A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING.

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